I’m Over It!

Finally, I am over the pneumonia. I hadn’t realized how much I missed cough-free breathing.

But, in an even bigger battle (because it involves a battle with my mind), I am finally, finally, finally OVER my grief about the marathon. Lordy, it only took what…3 months?

I couldn’t own it. I just kept thinking, I could have done better. I was mad at the hurricane. I was mad that it wasn’t the NYC marathon. I was mad that the weather was sh*tty and cold. I was mad that my body started rebelling at mile 8. I was mad that I put in all of the time and training and the end result was just “meh”. I may be a slightly type-A goal setter, but I’m also an eternal optimist. For me to have this bitter pill stuck in my throat for so long was just…inconceivable.

After the anger went away (and I got my priorities straight) I still couldn’t bring myself to see the positives about the experience. For me, running and racing is source of pride…pride in seeing the hard work pay off. Pride in having the patience to stick with a plan that sees results over a long period of time, not instantaneously. Pride that turns into exhilaration at the finish line. But even just last week, a friend of mine said to me, “…and you’re a marathoner!” and I just couldn’t connect to it. It was a foreign word that felt jumbled both in my head and coming out of my mouth. I somehow harbored no pride for that marathon, it was like she was talking about somebody else.

Tonight, I was reviewing some of my old records in Runkeeper. I came across the entry for the marathon, which was recorded by my Garmin that day. My eyes scanned across my splits and the map, and I noticed that my Garmin thought I only ran 25.87 miles (I assure you, it was 26-point-bloody-two). But then I noticed it – the elevation change. Feast your eyes on this:

marathon elevation

What the what??

I’d never noticed it before today. (Blinded by anger, perhaps?)

And snap! Just like that. I’m over it. I’m happy. I’m owning it. I’m proud. I killed that hill.

I’m…a MARATHONER!

P.S. Will I do another marathon someday? Um, I’ll have to get back to you on that.

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